Baby, You Can't Drive My Car
by nannygirl
Summary: Years after the show, Betsy Kelso announces that she wants to learn how to drive causing the gang to recall their first driving experinces. A flashback fic! It's got everyone!
1. She Drives Me Crazy

_**Disclaimer: **__I own nothing. I don't even have a driver license, I'm almost there though!_

_**Author's Note: **__Hello everyone! Well if you've read my profile recently, you know what this fic is about if not, here's a quick little summary of the story and my plans for it! I've had this idea playing in my head since last summer when i took driver's ed. I was having a difficult time getting into the whole driving thing and would come home really upset, but after watching a few episodes of bad driving (ie How I Met Your Mother and I Love Lucy)I realized everyone on That 70's Show already knew how to drive and we never found out how their own driver's ed went. Except for Fez who we saw Hyde teach how to drive the El Camino, maybe cause it was a stick or something like that…I don't know. Anywoo this is what this fic is for. A few laughs and to show not everyone is perfect esp when it comes to driving. And yes everyone's driving experiences will be said. Enough of the talking though and on with the reading, Enjoy!_

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**Baby, You Can't Drive My Car**

"Jenga!"

The five adults in the room rolled their eyes as the foreign man sat with both his arms raised up in the air. It was 1995 and though the group of basement misfits had grown and were now in their late thirties, their ages seemed to be the only things that had changed.

It was a Friday evening and the whole gang-plus a few new members- were all down in the old basement, happy to get away from their 'hectic' adult lives. Well they had been happy until Fez had come out with the old wooden game.

"Fez," Jackie exhaled from her seat on her husband's lap, "you only say 'jenga' once the tower falls."

"Oh." Fez said sadly.

Fez's wife smiled and wrapped both her arms around Fez's now lowered left arm, "It's okay baby, I love it when you yell out 'jenga.''

"Yes, and I love it when you scream out anything in our bedroom." Fez replied as he wiggled his eyebrows at Laurie, who smiled ditzyly before kissing him.

"Ew." the others grimaced in disgust. The two had been married for almost fifteen years and still their friends had yet to get use to their free…way of free behavior.

Eric rolled his eyes at his sister and brother-in-law. "Come on you guys, you're almost forty." He reminded as he stood up from the old sofa, "Grow up."

The couple ended their kiss, and while Fez just shrugged Laurie shot her younger sibling a look that could kill. Hyde watched the scene with a frown. Not because of what he saw, that whole scene was nothing out of the ordinary. What caused Hyde to furrow his brow was Eric's words.

"You're telling them to grow up, Forman?" he asked

Eric nodded, "Yeah."

"And now you're just going to get a popsicle—_a kids' snack_—from your _mommy's_ freezer?" Hyde asked him.

"Yeah, so?" Eric frowned, now feeling confused.

Hyde smirked, "Get me one too."

Eric nodded towards his adopted brother, forgetting about their previous confusing conversation, and headed over to the deepfreeze. However, he ran into an obstacle before he was even close to the freezer; bumping into the round table in the middle of the room he caused the tower of blocks to crumble and scatter all over the place.

"Jenga!" Fez shouted happily, not paying any attention to Eric who had collapsed back on the couch next to Donna as he clutched his injured foot.

No body paid any attention to the whimpering man—except for his wife. And they paid him even less attention when the basement side door flew open and a tall, brunette, beautiful, young girl bounced in.

"Guess what!" she practically shouted.

Brooke, who was sitting on the lawn chair, looked up at the girl, "Betsy, honey remember that word, 'Hello?'"

"Oh right, hello." Betsy said the group quickly raising her hand up as a wave, before going back to what she had come in for, "Guess what!"

"Uh…Oo you saw a cow wearing a dress chasing a chicken!" her father guessed from his seat on the floor.

"A cow? Wearing a dress? Chasing a chicken?" Eric asked with disbelief in his voice as he frowned at his friend, "Seriously Kelso?"

"What?!" Kelso asked, not seeing any problem, "She said guess!"

Betsy shook her head and began speaking before any of the adults started. "No, Daddy that's not it."

"Oo oo!" Kelso shouted, getting excited once again, "They finally invented jetpacks that work and they're going on sale tomorrow!"

"No." Betsy shook her head.

"Huh. Ok don't tell me I can get it." Kelso said and then began to wrack his brain for any possible answer, "Um…"

"Quick, before he starts up again." Hyde told his goddaughter.

Betsy smiled along with the others in the room. Though her father would probably be a bit disappointed that he didn't get another chance to guess, he probably wouldn't get it in five more chances.

"Ok." Betsy said before taking in a deep breath, "Only five more days till I turn sixteen!"

The group grinned at the young girl's excitement. Each of them remembering what it was like to be excited for their birthdays. Unfortunately they'd reached the point where they were trying to skip their birthdays.

"Wow, sixteen." Donna said with a small smirk, "That makes me feel so old."

"I know." Jackie nodded in agreement before shrugging her shoulders, "We'll not too old because I'm the youngest here and so I'll be the last one to be old."

Almost simultaneously the other adults in the room turned their heads towards Jackie and sent a frown from each of them, her way. Jackie noticed this but just shrugged them all off.

"As I was saying, I'm gonna be turning sixteen soon." Betsy repeated looking towards her parents, "And you know what that means."

"Ah yes." Fez said with a large grin on his face, "Cake and ice cream!"

Jackie smiled and took a guess, "Shopping for the perfect gift for you and then getting something for me too."

"Kelso finally gonna get some payback for fooling around with all those girls in high school." Hyde commented with a smirk.

Hyde's words went right over Kelso's head as he came up with his own guess. Before he said it though, Kelso pulled his daughter into his arms and held onto her in such a tight embrace that it looked like he was crushing poor Betsy.

"My little girl's growing up!" He cried out loud still not letting go of her.

"Um no…they're all pretty good guess but that's not what I was gonna say." The teenager explained as she tried to set herself free from her father's embrace, "Daddy could you let go of me please?"

Kelso didn't say anything he just shook his head and pulled Betsy closer to him.

Brooke laughed at her husband's actions, but was also very curious as to what her daughter was up to.

"What were going to say, honey?" she asked

Betsy smiled brightly at her mother, trying to make herself taller and more grown up—but with her father clinging onto her it was a little harder to do. Still she did her best to look mature before sharing with the group why she was so excited about becoming sixteen.

"I'm gonna get my permit!"

While her aunts and uncles smiled and nodded offering her a few words of praise, her parents' reactions were just a tad bit different. Brooke's smile fell from her face and Kelso's arms dropped, breaking the embrace before he slowly began stepping away from his daughter. The look on his face resembling his wife's.

"Um, sweetie." Brooke spoke up trying not to show just how she really felt about her daughter behind the wheel of a car that wasn't connect to the ceiling, "You have to take Driver's Ed. before you can get your permit."

"I know." Betsy replied with a nod of her head, "But I was thinking, you know how I like to get ahead of things, especially when it comes to school…"

"Yeah, she's so not Kelso's kid." Hyde whispered jokingly to his wife who playfully hit his arm.

"I wanna get ahead for driving school too." Betsy explained to her parents, "Isn't that a great idea?"

Brooke smiled a large smile, "It sure is."

"Awesome!" Kelso nodded putting both his thumbs up in the air.

Betsy's smile grew as she saw her that her parents were fans of the idea.

"So does that mean you'll practice driving with me?"

Kelso and Brooke noticed the hopefulness in their daughters' eyes and voice. They couldn't tell her 'no.'

"Sure will." Brook said in the same tone from before.

Kelso nodded and gave two thumbs up, again, "Awesome!"

"Oh my God. Thank you!" Betsy cheered before practically jumping over to her parents and giving them each a kiss and a hug. "I'm gonna go tell everyone else. They thought you guys were gonna tell me no. But you didn't! You're the best!"

Betsy then ran upstairs in search of all her younger cousins, so she could share her excitement with them. Brooke and Kelso watched their daughter run off with big--almost creepy--smiles.

Again Brooke spoke in the same tone, "Sure are."

"Awesome!" Kelso repeated with another nod of his head, keeping his thumbs up.

Once Betsy was out of the basement, Kelso's arms dropped to his side and the couple's smiles' fell from their faces. Slowly, they looked at one another seeing each other's frightened expressions.

"I am not teaching her how to drive." Brooke said to him.

"I am not getting in a car with her." Kelso said at the same time.

Their audience--who they'd forgotten were there--were very amused by the show; still they wondered why the change of heart.

"Um what happened to _'Sure thing?'_" Laurie asked in a mocking tone.

Eric raised up his index finger, "Let's not forget, _'Awesome!'_" he added raising up his thumbs, clearly making fun of his friend.

Donna tried not to laugh at her husband's imitation, "Is she that bad of a driver?"

"She's never even been behind the wheel of a car." Betsy's mother shared.

Jackie furrowed her brow slightly, "Then how do you know she won't be a really great driver?

"Well…"Brooke began, not really wanting to say the reason. It was bad enough she didn't believe in her daughter.

"She's a Kelso!" Her husband said for her, his arms up in the air to help make his point.

As soon as the words left his mouth, his friends nodded in agreement. They completely understood. Kelso's gesture was really unnecessary.

"I mean I know she's got part of Brooke in her too," Kelso went on, "but there's still Kelso blood in her and I don't wanna take that chance."

Again their friends nodded. While the group were exchanging knowing looks and moving their heads up and down, Kelso came up with an idea.

"Hey Hyde!" he called out getting the curly haired man's attention, "What if you teach her? You _are_ her Godfather."

Hyde shook his head, "No way man. I can't take the risk of dying in a crash. I'm gonna have to that in a couple of year with the twins. That's double the trouble."

"So it'll be practice for you too!" Kelso almost shouted.

"Forget it, man."

Kelso pouted in disappointment. Meanwhile his wife noticed that his plan wasn't his worst one. It was actually a really good idea. If they could get someone else to teach Betsy how to drive, she wouldn't get mad at them when they tired to correct her, and it would still be someone who was like family so she would still feel comfortable, and most importantly neither one of them would have to teach her to drive.

Brooke smiled at looked towards Hyde's direction. But it wasn't Hyde who's attention she wanted. It was the tiny brunette that was on his lap. Betsy's Godmother.

"Jackie, will you help Betsy with her driving?" she asked with a large smile.

Jackie frowned slightly, wondering if her friend was serious, "Me?" she pointed at herself for a second or two before waving her hand, "Please I'd rather loose Steven."

"Thanks, babe." Hyde sarcastically, getting a smile from his wife.

Kelso turned to the next person in line, "How about you, Jugs-a-poppin'?"

Donna rolled her eyes at the old nickname, "Kelso, I report enough car crashes on my radio show. I don't wanna be part of one." she paused for just a second, "And even if that wasn't the reason I still would've said no because of what you called me."

The man-pretty man shrugged his shoulders. He'd always liked the nickname and he missed using it.

"Eric?"

Eric shook his head as soon as Brooke called out his name.

"Sorry Brooke," he began to apologize, "I'd love to help but I'm not Betsy's Godfather."

Eric looked at Kelso tilting his head to the side a bit. He was obviously showing the grudge he held against Kelso for not making him and Donna Betsy's Godparents.

"Ok you're Betsy's new Godfather!" Kelso shouted, he turned to Hyde, "See Hyde, you shoulda said yes." he looked back at Eric, "So you'll do it?"

Eric smirked, "Nope."

"Ah!" Kelso exclaimed in shock.

"Michael, honey." Brooke said soothingly as she stroked her husband's arm, not wanting him to get to worked up. They had to find someone to get the car with their daughter.

"We do still have two other options." she whispered to him and then gestured to the couple sitting on the couch. Fez was looking around the room as his wife was busy examining her nails.

"Oh right." Kelso nodded and the turned to his foreign friend, "So Fez, what do you say?"

Slowly Fez looked towards Kelso, a deep glare dented on his face.

"What do I say?" he asked in his thick angry, foreign accent, "I say, you s_onofabitch_! I am fourth?! _Me?!_ Your best friend?! I am your _fourth_ choice?!"

Kelso frowned, feeling a bit confused, "So is that a yes?"

Fez stared back at his friend; his glare showing how much his anger was growing. Kelso just watched Fez, waiting for an answer. Luckily, Brooke noticed how upset Fez was getting, and quickly got a hold of her husband's attention.

"Michael, honey, I don't Fez feels up to it right now." she said to Kelso in a gentle voice before turning her attention to the blonde woman sitting on the couch. "Laurie, what about you?"

"Sure, I'll teach the kid how to drive." she replied still looking at her polished nails.

"Really?" seven different voices asked.

Laurie looked up from her hand and met the different frowns from the others in the room, "What's the big deal?"

"The big deal? Gee, I don't know." Eric began in a sarcastic voice, and then pretended to think for a few seconds, "Maybe the fact that you haven't driven on ten years and your driver license expired eight years ago."

There were several gasps of shock heard the basement, but they only caused Laurie to roll her eyes and snarl at her brother.

"My license did not expire eight years ago." she argued, "It expired ten years ago. And I haven't driven in eight. Get your facts right, Little Brother."

Jackie frowned at the blonde, "You haven't driven in eight years?"

"What? It's not like I can't drive, I just don't have to." Laurie explained before she wrapped her arms around her husband upper left one, "I have my Fezzie Bear to drive me everywhere."

Fez grinned back at his wife, but that still didn't ease the minds, or the stomachs, of their friends.

"And you don't have a problem with it Fez?" Donna had to ask.

"Problem? What problem?" he asked a bit loudly and then pulled his wife closer to him, "I love driving my Little Buttercup around, because I love her. And I will do everything I can to show her just how I feel about her."

While the girls were ready to start 'aw'-ing the guys in the room had a good feeling that Fez's story wasn't quite over.

"And whenever Fez's drives me somewhere," Laurie continued for Fez, "we pretend I'm a rich lady and Fez is foreign limo driver."

Fez nodded, "Yes, and sometimes it ends with us doing it in the car." he paused for a second or two as his audience displayed looks of disgust, "Ok, all the time."

"Thanks for the image, man." Hyde grimaced.

Fez never even looked Hyde's way. His full attention was on his wife whose attention was on him as well. They both looked at each other with a look of lust in their eyes, as they silently recalled their last rendezvous in the back of their car.

Kelso, wasn't affected too much by the information the couple had given out, he was still excited about Laurie agreeing to help.

"So Laurie, when can you start driving with Betsy?" he asked but received to answer. He frowned a bit, "Laurie?"

Fez and Laurie continued to stare at each other, forgetting about everyone else and their surroundings.

Brooke shook her head, "Michael, I don't know if it's such a good idea to let Laurie teach Betsy how to drive."

"Or how to do anything else." Eric added, but went ignored.

"Thanks anyways, Laurie." Brooke sincerely said to her friend.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Laurie replied with a wave of her left had as her right hand was being run over her husband's chest.

"But Brooke, Laurie can do it." Kelso protested, "We'll just make Fez isn't in the car and…and…if she does it I won't have to!" he cried before practically throwing himself it Brooke's arms.

"I know, sweetie." Brooke calmly said, stroking her husband's back, "But maybe we'll find someone else who can teach Betsy how to drive."

"But who?" Kelso's muffled voice asked.

Jackie watched the scene in front of her and wished she could help; but she was too young to die. Quickly thought of a solution, "What about Red?"

Her word caught everyone's attention and they all turned to look at her. All of their facial expressions asking her the same question. _'Are you crazy?!'_

"What?" Jackie asked innocently, "I think it's a good idea."

"Yeah, you also thought ABBA was a good idea." her husband reminded.

Jackie slapped his arm before going on to explain her suggestion to her goddaughter's parents—and the other's too.

"Just think about it, ok?" she began, "He practically taught all of us how to drive. He's retired now and doesn't have too much to do. He likes cars. He loves the grandkids. And I think he actually liked teaching us how to drive."

"No." Eric shook his head, "He liked seeing us cry."

Brooke frowned. Up until Eric started to speak, she had started to think that getting Red Forman to teach her daughter how to drive wouldn't be such a bad idea. Now she was having second thoughts.

"Cry? I don't want Betsy to cry while she's learning." Brooke shared with the others, "I wan this to be a fun, happy experience for her."

"Then don't get Red to teach her." Hyde simply said.

Kelso nodded his head, "Yeah, Red's a mean teacher."

Hearing her brother and his friends talk bad about her father upset Laurie and so she started to defend him.

"What are you guys talking about?" she asked frowning, "Daddy was a great teacher. He taught me how to drive and I never cried, _Erica. _He never even yelled at me. Not even on the first day… "

_1973_

Thirteen year old Eric Forman was sitting on the red plastic chair on the back patio of his house. He sat straight up, with his neck stretched out as he moved it around, as if he were listening for something.

"Eric?"

Eric looked over to the glass door and found his mother and her newly curled-styled hair.

"Honey, what are you doing?" she asked frowning with concern.

"Oh hey Mom." he greeted, "Dad took Laurie out to practice her driving. I'm listening for any car crash sounds or ambulances."

Kitty furrowed her brow and shook her head, "Oh Eric, you shouldn't…you haven't heard anything, have you?'

Eric shook her head and Kitty smiled before releasing a quick Kitty laugh.

"Ok well then how about you come inside with me for some nice warm brownies?"

She didn't have to ask that twice. Eric was quick to nod his head and then follow his mother inside to the kitchen. He took a seat at the round table and patiently waited for his brownie.

"So are you excited about Laurie learning how to drive?" Kitty asked as she placed the plate of fresh brownies on the table.

Eric frowned, "Um…no."

"Well why not?" his mother asked as she took a seat beside him, "Once Laurie knows how to drive, the two of you can go out and do all sorts of brother and sister things. You could go to the mall, or to a movie, or Oo you two could do some volunteer hours at church."

"Um…"Eric struggled for the right way to tell his mom that that would never, ever, ever, ever happen, "Sure, Mom."

Kitty released one of her trademark giggles, excited by the fact that her children would start spending more time together. Maybe they would actually start getting along more. And if not, at least she'd have some more alone time with her husband.

Suddenly, Kitty's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of tires screeching against the road. Startled and curious, both Eric and Kitty stood up from their seats and headed to the driveway.

A few seconds later the Vista Cruiser, uncoordinatedly drove up the driveway and part of the grass. The car was being driven so crazily, it would have hit Eric if he hadn't had jumped out of the way.

The vehicle almost rolled off in reverse, before finally being put into park. The right front tire being parked on top of the grass.

The driver's door swung open and a bubbling young blonde woman happily jumped out.

"Ta da!" she exclaimed with her hands in the air.

With shock covering their faces, Kitty and Eric looked from the disastrous parking to Laurie, and then back to the car. Eric couldn't believe his sister was such a bad driver. This was awesome! Kitty watched the passenger door, cautiously waiting for her husband to emerge. This would not be good.

Carefully the door Kitty had been watching opened up and Red stepped out with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Red, honey." Kitty called out nervously, "How did it go?"

"Kitty," Red began to say as he walked over to Laurie, "your daughter…"

Kitty watched nervously as Eric looked on with a big grin. He was so ready to hear his father yell about his sister for once.

"Is a natural!" he finished happily and then placed his arm around his little girl's shoulder.

Laurie's smile grew, while Kitty and Eric's surprised expressions reappeared. Did he really just say that? He really thought she was a _natural_? Was he even really in the car with her? These questions and other similar ones were filling their heads but neither one of them could find their voice to ask them.

"Oh thank you Daddy! I'm gonna go call all my friends and tell them how I have the best Daddy in the whole world!" she gushed before hugging Red and then skipping off to the kitchen.

Red grinned, "Well can't argue with that." he said smugly, "I'll be in the den, Kitty. Call me when dinner's ready."

Kitty merely nodded her head and Red walked into the house; leaving the two remaining members of the family to look over the crime scene.

"Eric, sweetie." Kitty began.

"Yeah Mom?"

"Don't get into a car that your sister's driving. Ever."

Fully understanding, Eric nodded in agreement while continuing to stare at mess in the driveway.

_1995_

"Wow." Donna said, "Suddenly I'm relieved that you don't drive anymore."

"Whatever." Laurie rolled her eyes as the other's agreed, "The point if that Daddy is a good teacher. My story was the perfect example of that."

"Yeah," Eric nodded, "my experience with Dad teaching me how drive went a little differently."

"Yeah."

"Me too."

"You can say that again."

"I will never drive with that man again."

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_**Author's Note: **__So there it is Chapter 1! What do you think? Worth continuing? Leave as a one shot? Delete from the site and my computer? Let me know!_

_Also quick, kind along note: I know I still have two big fics I need to work on and they are still being worked on, but on the count of my college algebra final being next week I decided to work on next weeks chapters this week. Skip this weeks updates but have updates next week. Along with those two updates. I plan on updating this fic once a week as well. This one's just about done and should be completed by the end of the month. Day of update I'm thinking will be Wednesday, unless someone else has other suggestions. And that goes for driving stuff too! And please forgive any errors I may have made as far as the driver ed stuff in the 70's. I wasn't even an idea yet. I do know though that my parents took drivers ed in school, but they also told me my grandparents taught them before and during the time they were taking the class._

_Until next time, thanks for reading, hope you liked, please review and lemme know what you think, take care, and have a nice day!_


	2. In My Car, I Am The Driver

_**Disclaimer: **__I own nothing! Don't even own my own car!_

_**Author's Note: **__Holy cow! Where the heck did the time go? I did not realize how late this chapter is until I saw the date it had been published. I am SO sorry. Time really got away from me last week and I had planned on working on this fic every time I finished practicing my driving and then what happens the car I use to practice drive stops working. Good news is it's working now. Bad news it doesn't have it's plates. Go figure. Anywoo I'm sorry for the long wait and I thank you for the reviews and alerts! Summer is here well almost one more day…wow last story to be updated while I'm still in high school…sad face. I promise updates will be up faster for this story! I'm getting myself back in the loop cause I've got a bunch of ideas begging to be written down! Thanks again and please review! Enjoy!_

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"It was really that bad, Fez?" Brooke asked, out of all the responses given, his was the one that concerned her the most.

"No." the foreign man replied in a serious tone, "it was not that bad. It was horrible with a capital _HOR_!"

Brooke looked over at her husband and smiled slightly as she put her hand over his.

"You know honey, may it won't be so bad teaching Betsy how to drive." she began to say, "You two could do some bonding."

"Yeah…wait what?" Kelso asked, looking as if Brooke had just told him it wouldn't so bad if they stopped showing cartoons on TV.

"No, no. I'm not teaching her. We're getting my best buddy Red, remember?"

The gang each frowned at Kelso's words. They were so ridiculous, it wasn't even funny. Why was probably why no one laughed.

"Yeah, Kelso,' Eric said slowly, "Don't ever say that again."

Nodding as he understood, Kelso looked at Eric until Brooke began to speak again.

"I just want this to be a good experience for Betsy." the tall brunette explained, "This could effect the way she drives and how she feels behind the wheel for the rest of her life. The way fez is describing how Red was with him…"

"Ah don't listen to Fez!" Kelso said with a wave of his left hand.

Hyde smirked, "Yeah, no one ever does."

"Yeah," Kelso agreed, ignoring the glare from his foreign friend, "Besides Red wasn't even that mean with Fez." he went on, gradually easing his wife's nerves-if only for a second.

"You should've see him when I saw driving. That was _bad._"

The tiny smile that had started to make it's way onto Brooke's face quickly fell when her husband laughed and grinned proudly.

The couple's friends had mixed expressions. Some laughed and nodded along with Kelso and others frowned wondering why Kelso was so happy. One of their friends did neither and instead glared angrily and deeply at the man pretty man.

"You sonofabitch!' Fez cursed out loud, "Red was worse with me!"

"Na-ah He was worse with me, cause he knew me for awhile, so he already hated me. That's why I had the worst driving lessons with him."

Fez continued to glare, "No! he hated me more. I'm foreign!"

"I'm a Kelso!" Kelso shouted out.

"Well I married his daughter and got her pregnant _two _times!"

He had Kelso there, but Red had to hate him more than Fez; he just had to. Thinking quickly, Kelso thought back to a few times when Red had gotten mad at him and really wanted to kill him. But just a few of the times. After all if he'd gone over all of them, they'd be there for days.

"Oo I got it!" Kelso shouted, "I dated and did _it _with Laurie liked a hundred times. Then ended things with her and broke her heart."

Laurie furrowed her brow at her ex-boyfriend, "Kelso I dumped you. And you didn't break anything of mine except my window when you threw that stupid rock at it."

"Whatever gets you through the pain." he replied smugly, getting an eye roll from the blonde.

"Besides Kelso," Eric called out from his seat, "Hyde and I were in the car when Red was teaching you how to drive and it wasn't that bad."

"Haha!" Fez laughed as he pointed his index finger at his friend.

Hyde watched in amusement at Kelso's dismay and Fez's teasing attitude and smirked as he couldn't resist it any longer.

"Same goes for you, Fez."

Just those five words caused Fez's small to fall far away from his face as Kelso's made a quick return.

"Burn!"

"So Fez's driving with Red wasn't so bad?" Donna asked in disbelief.

"Nope." her husband answered, "Of course no other driving experience with Red seems bad to me after the times he tried to teach me how to drive. See…"

"But we are talking about me!" Fez argued, "And because it is about me, I shall tell the story."

A few eye rolls and several groans were released from the group as they knew one of Fez's infamous stories was about to begin.

"Fez's First Day of Driving. Part one. Starring the magnificent Fez-that's me. Grumpy old Red. And the three stooges in the backseat." he said as he gestured towards the three men in the room.

"Scene one. The Forman driveway. Everybody walks out of the house and over to the car. Red begins to speak…."

_1975_

Just as Fez said, the five men walked out of the kitchen side door. Red was in front, marching his way to the Vista Cruiser while the high-schoolers followed behind.

Fez was taking tiny baby steps over to the car as he fumbled with his fingers, showing his nervousness. He new American friends were behind him. Hyde and Kelso were pushing and shoving each other playfully, yet at the same time roughly, while Eric watched with a grin. He was ready for Hyde to hurt Kelso and then Kelso yell out something about his eye.

"Alright Tarzan, first things first." Red declared slapping his hand on the roof of the car, producing a loud slam, startling Fez and causing him to jump.

"This is a Vista Cruiser. A car. Not a horse, a donkey, a vine, a cart being pulled by goats, or any other dumbass thing your people drive." Red continued, keeping his voice firm and strict.

"Now I want you to take all the little points and tips, Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest here have given you and forget about them all."

Young Fez furrowed his brow with confusion, "Wait, what am I supposed to do, take them all or forget about them all?"

"Both,"

"But how can I take them all if you want me to forget them?' he asked still not understanding.

Red stared down intensely at the young foreigner. His blood and anger were already rising and they weren't even in the car yet. Kitty was going to owe him big for volunteering him to teach this kid how to drive.

"Get in the car." he ordered loud enough for the others to hear, before climbing into the passengers seat.

Quickly while still shoving each other to get the first window seat, Kelso and Hyde scrambled in the car. In the end Hyde won the window seat behind the drivers', leaving Kelso to take the boring middle seat. Next Eric slid into the family car, sitting behind his father, before getting squished closer to Kelso.

One by one, Hyde, Kelso, and the Eric turned their heads to the right where they saw Fez trying to squeeze himself in the backseat.

"Eric, scoot over." he said in his thick accent, getting Red to turn his head around.

"What hell are you doing?" he asked angrily,

"Getting in the car." Fez replied in a small voice.

"How the hell are you gonna drive when you're in the backseat?"

"Well maybe if you…" Fez began to suggest only to get interrupted.

"Get in the damn driver's seat."

Scared for his life, Fez scurried out of the backseat and over to the other side of the car. He threw open the door and put his seatbelt on, hoping red didn't use it to choke him with later on.

Red shook his head at the anxiousness of the young man. He bulked his own seatbelt and decided to get started. Figuring the sooner they started, the sooner it would all be over with.

"Alright, put your hands on the wheel."

Right away Fez placed his palms on the wheel, each right in the middle on both sides, and gripped on for his life.

"Put your hands at ten and two." Red instructed and Fez frowned confused once again.

"What?"

"On the wheel," Red began, "put your hands at ten and two.'

Fez still didn't quite get it, "What?'

Instead of helping their friend understand or try to calm Red down, the three passengers held their laughter to their selves.

"Ten and two." Red repeated, this time placing his hands on an invisible steering wheel to show Fez where his hands should go.

"Ooohhh!" Fez said nodding, at last understanding, "You mean two and ten."

Fez then placed his hands at the position of two and ten and grinned largely at the frowning Red. The scene alone made Fez's friends in the back bite their tongues to keep from laughing.

"Right." Red answered still sounding upset, he cleared his throat, "Now start the engine by turning the key there."

Fez carefully turned the ring of keys away from himself. Immediately the car started; making a loud growl like noise, letting the driver know it was on and scaring him in the process as well.

His friends in the back released a good chuckle while Red tried to keep control of the situation.

"It's alright Tonto. That's just means the car's on." he said in a not so comforting voice. "Lets get out of the driveway now. Put the car in reverse by moving that lever down."

Cautiously Fez did as he was told and awaited his next set of instructions.

"Look behind you and tell me what you see."

Fez nodded and turned his head and part of his body so he could get a good look behind him. Unfortunately, instead of looking to his left and out side the car, Fez looked at the backseat where his friends were smiling away.

"I see Kelso, Eric, and Hyde." he said while smiling back at his friends.

Frowning with confusion, red turned away from where he was looking on the outside of the Vista Cruiser and looked inside where Fez's eyes were.

His confused frown soon turned into one of anger as he saw the three dumbasses in the back. Kelso grinned before lifting up his hand to wave.

"With the mirrors!" Red ordered Fez, startling him and stopping him from waving back at his friend.

Doing as the angry bald man had instructed him to do, Fez checked his left side mirror. He checked his right one and then his rearview one. He waited a few seconds to make sure no cars, people, cats, dogs, or birds popped out unexpectedly.

"I see nothing."

Red nodded with confirmation, "That means you're clear. So I want you to slowly, _slowly, _give the car some gas…_some _gas by pressing on the right pedal, back it out of the driveway and turn the car to the right." he explained and Fez nodded along.

"And make sure you stay on the right side of the road. This is America not wherever the hell it is you're from."

Again Fez nodded, "America." he repeated before slowly tapping his right foot on the gas pedal.

Too much of the surprise of red and the guys in the back, Fez did very well pulling out of the driveway and into the street. He went slow and didn't get one tire on the grass. Though the front right one was a close call.

"Not bad." Red complimented and Fez grinned while keeping his eyes on the road.

Having Red give an actual compliment to another person, a foreign person who was driving, shocked Kelso, Hyde, and most of all Eric. They each exchanged a look that went unseen by those in the front as Red started talking again.

"Now I want you to keep going straight for a couple of minutes, but there's a stop sign coming up soon." he informed, "So remember the brake pedal is on the left."

"Right." Fez nodded only to shake his head, "No left. Left to live."

The four men furrowed their brows at the young driver's words. However while three of the frowns soon disappeared one deepened even more.

That deep frown belonged to Red Forman as he watched Fez place his left foot over the brake pedal while keeping his right foot on top of the gas.

"No, no." he said to the foreigner, "Use your right foot to press on the brake."

"Oh. Ok." Fez replied with a nod and then looked at his feet before attempting to cross his left over his right one.

This caused Red to frown even more.

"What the hell are you doing now?" Red asked loudly, getting Fez to jump up in his seat again.

"You don't cross your legs when you're driving. You're a man, you don't cross you legs like that ever!

"But you said to!" Fez argued, "You said to put my left foot on the right pedal and my right foot on the left pedal."

"No I didn't"

"Yes you did."

Hyde smirked as he watched the scene from the comfortable backseat.

"This is fun." he said out loud and the other two passengers nodded in agreement.

"Alright!" Red practically shouted and took a deep breath, trying to remain calm, "When you drive you use your right foot on the gas pedal and your right foot on the brake pedal. You only use one foot. Your right foot."

Fez kept his eyes on the road, but couldn't help the sadness that started to show in them.

"But what about my left foot?" he asked in a small voice as he looked down at his feet for a few seconds, "It will be lonely."

"Alright, fine." Red nodded, "You use your left foot when you drive, and I'll stick my left foot up your ass."

"Right it is then." Fez stated still in a shaky voice as he looked around outside the window, "So when the stop sign comes up I press the brake with my right foot and…"

Red shook his head, "Forget it, we passed the sign five minutes ago."

_1995_

"That was the day I knew you would be the one to give my dad a heart attack." Eric shared with the group.

Hyde nodded, "He is the chosen one."

"Yes I am." Fez said grinning proudly, not paying attention to the glare Laurie was giving him, "But did you see how mean Red was to me? I told you I had the worst time learning how to drive!"

"Yeah, Fez," Jackie began to say, frowning slightly, "I don't know. I mean the way you described it at first…it really wasn't so terrible."

"What?" the foreign man screeched.

"She said it wasn't that terrible." Kelso answered for Jackie. "Mine was _terrible."_

Fez glared angrily at Kelso and then looked over at Jackie and the others, "Yes it was! That was just part one. My story is not over."

"Yeah it is!" Kelso protested, "It's my turn now! It all started…"

"I said my story is not over!" Fez exclaimed, lifting his hand up to Kelso's face and keeping his eyes on everyone else. He cleared his throat before beginning.

"Fez's First Day of Driving. Part Two. Staring the magnificent Fez…"

_1975_

Almost an hour had passed and the Vista Cruiser was no longer in the Forman's neighborhood but on one of the main streets in Point Place. Eric, Hyde and Kelso remained in the backseat, while Red remained upfront in the rights seat and Fez was amazingly still behind the wheel.

"Alright, now move into the middle lane." Red instructed.

Fez did as he was told being sure to do al the other things Red had explained to him earlier when he first learned how to move into different lanes.

Red nodded, "Not half bad."

"So I did half good?" Fez asked sounding uncertain, "Is that good?"

Hyde scooted closer to the back of the driver's seat and place his hand on the seat, "For Red Forman, yeah."

"Well Squanto, your doing good." Red told Fez, "Just try to relax a little more. Once you're relaxed, you'll have more confidence in your driving and the other drivers on the road will stay the hell away from you."

"Right. Relax." Fez repeated and then took a deep breath to try and relax himself.

But despite the breathing exercise he tired to do, Fez did not look very relaxed. He remained stiff and nervous as he gripped tightly on the steering wheel and kept his eyes on the road.

Eric noticed his friend's tenseness and decided to help out.

"Um Fez, it's ok. Dad said you can relax," he said, "So relax."

"I am relaxed." Fez argued.

Hyde frowned, "No your not."

"Oo I know how you can relax!" Kelso shouted before Fez could speak, "Let's turn on the radio to The Beatles! Put it on 98.8!"

"Nah man, if you really want him to relax put on some Zeppelin." Hyde said out loud.

Kelso furrowed his brow at the curly haired man, "I wanna listen to 98.8!"

"Sorry man," Hyde said with a shrug, "The only way that's gonna happen is if you change the radio station before I do."

Not second later after the word left Hyde's mouth Kelso swiftly unblocked himself and leapt his upper half body to the front seat.

Hyde smirked in amusement, glad to see his plan had worked. Eric couldn't believe Kelso had actually done that. Fez started to panic. And Red just looked really, really, really mad.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm putting on the radio." Kelso answered.

"Put on Zeppelin." a voice called from the back.

"I'm not putting it on Zeppelin Hyde!"

"Guys," Eric joined in, "you're making Fez nervous…"

"Get back in your seat dumbass!"

Soon the vehicle was filled with four different voice shouting and yelling at each other Poor Fez held onto the wheel, holding on tighter and tighter as the noise got louder and louder. At last he couldn't take it any longer.

"_Shut up!" _Fez ordered and everyone froze as the car went silent, "Stop it all of you! If you do not stop I will turn this car into the closest building and kill us all."

No one said anything and the only person who moved was Kelso as he slid himself back into the backseat. Fez was happy with the result of his speech and grinned while continuing to drive.

"Thank you." he told them all.

_1995_

"And Daddy did do anything to you for yelling at him?" Laurie asked not believing that her father had yelled or killed Fez.

Fez grinned proudly, "Nope."

"Except he did make him pull over like five seconds later." Eric informed his sister and the others in the room.

Hyde nodded his head as he remembered as well, "Yeah and then he made Fez sit in the very back of the Vista Cruiser."

The group laughed together. Including Brooke, who was once again warming up to having red teach Betsy how to drive. But excluding Fez who sat with his arms crossed over his chest. He liked to forget about that part.

"Alright, Fez's story made you guys laugh, but my story…get the tissues people." Kelso said to his friends, "Cause you're gonna cry."

* * *

_**Author's Note: **__There it is at last Chapter 2 of "Baby, You can't Drive My Car" Hope you liked and it was worth the wait!_

_Next time we learn how driving with Kelso went!_

_Until next time, thanks for reading, hope you liked, please review and lemme know what you think, stay tuned, take care, and have a nice day!_


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